The King

I  feel the scorn
of others-


in which you bathed me
time and time again
the darkness of you
always choking

The cold swept through me
in your gaze, an illness I
cannot name only feel
the symptoms of your disease
which ate through my bones

and left me with a rabbit's heart,
seeing no escape when you
were struck down by the stone
and lay helpless-

Removed from your throne.

Once again
I rescued the King
who ruled his subjects
under a reign of terror
sending him far away to the healers
where no one knew
of the crown he wore-

 In the silent castle
 I heard the sound of my own voice
 as tyranny lay down its sword.



The others pointed and judged
when I protested your return
even as I screamed the truth
of your rule.


"What kind of Queen abandons
her King?"

"Treason!"

I stood fast in the desolation
as I watched the house of cards be
swept away by my words

Knowing if I tried to save you
this time-
 

I would die. 


 

I Can't Die For you

So many years
I lay silent
praying, hoping
I could save you;

save us
only to find
I was dying
bit by bit-

 hiding myself
pretending it would
all be ok-

Three decades later
the mirror showed
a reflection I couldn't bare

I saw the dying part of me
the self I let fade away
trying to save you

and when the song played
"there's really no way to save me
I'm already gone",
and you said that was your song.

I realized I  could  no longer die for you,
I am sorry it's what some expect
but I need the joy, the light which
God gave me.

I can no longer live in your shadow. 

House (for deverse; Layers 05/13/3015}

It offered new beginnings

nestled in the shadows of

pines and towering maples-

The sound of a stream

filling the air on that

late summer afternoon

when he promised

things would be different.

She peered inside, a little enclosed porch

bathed in dimming sunlight,

through the window the bookshelves

empty lulling to be filled

Old hardwood floors

in need of a family

to dust away years of neglect

A half finished kitchen

soon to be filled with the smells

of home.

Peeling wallpaper,

uneasy on the eyes

replaced by colors of

sea and sand

Promises

waiting to be kept-

Only to broken

by rage and illness

once again, the family shattered

by the lies of " love".

She sits alone

surrounded by all that

would never be enough for him

Seeking solace in the emptiness

still hearing the distant echo 

of the life which leaves her bleeding.

.

He sits alone

body broken

spirit fading

by all the lies

he left behind.

I Am a Tree

I am a tree

Strong yet still bowing

My leaves have yellowed

From all the years of shading

Protecting from the hail

And angry winds

Parts of me scattered

Returning to the earth

To soften the touch

As their feet whisked

Them away to the sun

I always sought  even

On the darkest of days

Where even my shadow

Hid, fearing the truth

Which would one day

Uproot me and I would

Sway in all directions

Forgetting I was still worthy

And as the thunder roared

Reminding me, I was alive

And as the lightning helped me

Find my way, I became united

With the one I left behind.

I am a tree
strong
no longer bowing.  

To My Father (for deverse; writing letters)

Dear Dad,

So much has happened since you passed. The girls are grown, Jazzy has a beautiful

little boy, named Benjamin who plays the Ukelele and dances like you wouldn’t believe.

When I first held him, he reminded me so much of you, an old soul, kind and gentle.

Chrissy is expecting her first a little girl in a couple of weeks, who we call Baby P. because she and her husband can’t decide on a name yet.

I had another daughter, Kayla you never had the chance to meet. She is in her first year of college and she too, reminds me of you with her sharp wit and Strawberry blonde hair.

Mom passed away six years ago, we never managed to find the closeness we should have. I know she was lonely, I just didn’t know how to fill that space. The years have often been unkind and still I wake up each day looking for the joy I know still exists.

. 

Dan’s sister Phyllis, who I loved dearly died two years before I had Kay. I miss her so much. His other sister, Linda passed away last June, just as we were becoming close. I had just found out two months before, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and now Dan is in a rehabilitation center, he had a stroke on February 24 of this year. He is not doing well. I don't know if he will ever be able to come home.

I am so grateful that Marcia and I have become close like sisters should be. She has been a tremendous source of strength and support during this terrible time. I don't know what I would do without her. I appreciate her so much and what a blessing to have her in my life. 

 

I think of you often, what a wonderful father you were to me and how unfair to have lost you when you were only 53, the same age I am now. I feel there is so much to be grateful for in spite of all the heartache. You taught me how to be strong and keep my sense of humor and I am trying to retain both in the midst of all the heartache. I miss you dad. .I wish you were here to hold me.

 

                                                                                                                   Love Lisa

The Ghosts We Left Behind

Impossible to save-

Always a darkness

surrounding

the being of you

Hell bent

on destruction

your own

as well as mine

and anything worth loving

Part of you

now gone-

Does the distant memory

Still hold what could have been?

All the things

which made our lives

surround me in the stillness

couldn’t  make you see

what mattered

Never enough

to fill the emptiness

of the  years before

I arrived.

How I have starved –

Emaciated by want

and need .

In healing

hold the years of us close

and  you will find

the love which always beckons

in the ghosts we left behind.   

The Wind (for deverse; Winds of March)

Would you take this

wind of change?

How cold it blows-

Chilling my bones

It does not dry my tears

but burns my skin

as I bare my bones

In truth’s stark gaze

Am I mourning?

Yes all the things

I let die,

those bits of self

which never cried-

As you face me now

so lost by the darkness

of not remembering

How chilling the gale-

Gusts in remembrance

of the half life we lived

And now

there is even less

still I carry the burden

of all the wishes

put to death

by the breath exhaled

in the forest who sighs.

Phoenix Rising (for deverse; Poetic Confessions)

 Phoenix rising

from the ashes

of our grief-

We are reborn

made anew.

 

Holding our tears

glistening in sapphire blue.

The scars of rose colored talons

digging deep into the marrow

of memory

Of what once was

before lightning struck,

scars still burning

bright as sun, remembering

that dark winter night-

When our lives changed

and you could no longer

remember my name.

My Brother, the King (for deverse; Let's get a little medieval)

My Brother, the King

Am I envious?

Of the crown he wears

The women who succumb

To his royal advances,

The palace in which he lives,

Abundant in its material guise,

Dungeon of doom.

His thoughts,

Hold no more value

Than my own

His teachings

Instilled with cruelty

And punishment

No rod is spared

For his inability to

Remember

As he lay quivering

In a dark corner haunted 

by the memory of misunderstanding

wounded still from the bruises

of childhood.

Such fine clothes

Adorn his frailty

He hides his fear

Dancing with the Queen

Who does not love him

Simply a womb with a crown.

Am I envious

Of my brother

As I live outside

His prison of contempt?

 Even though I am-

Bastaridized

Insignificant

Poor and wanting

I do not envy

my brother, the king

 

For I am wealthy

In love

And all the poverty

Of being cast aside,

Child of our father’s mistress.

I am warmer

In the fields of want

Than I could ever hope

To be

Within the confines

Of his prison

I hear him weep at night.
Do you?

For You (for deverse- A Poem From the Future)

For You

I know you never believed

you’d still be standing

painting your dreams

with those crooked hands

your body, fighting itself

like  an unwelcome intruder-

Yet here you are

reading these lines

penned by those swollen, red

works of art God didn’t let time

destroy;

And how the grandchildren

love you, so happy you are here

to hold their babies-

Benjamin, the sweet and gentle child

grew up to be everything you imagined.

 How he reminds you of yourself,

 always searching, grasping time

 knowing it is all too fleeting.

The little girl, you called Baby P.

holds her son and sings the songs

Gammie taught her, old Motown

remembering your gentle voice.

Baby Kay holds her children

tells them the story of Margaret,

The Happy Cub, filled with hugs

and good wishes and how you

brought her to life, more precious

than the prize you told her one day

she would win for helping to heal

the wounded.

Your three girls

still hold you close

treasuring all the moments

you shared with them,

years reflecting the bluest eyes.

As you all have witnessed

the changing world,

no longer a digital age

of cold communication

It has returned to the human touch

 we all missed for so long.

The sun still shines brightly,

the moon lulls the sleeping

and though you are now old

and waiting, you know 
how blessed you have been.

My House, Half Empty

I occupy too many rooms

All sparse

Only fragments of me

Fill the shadows

No one room

Can I fill

Vacant, a flickering of light

Soon extinguished

By  indifference.

The pearl, hidden in the

Confines of world

Blinding its eye

Although it burns brightly

In all that is human

It offers no riches deemed worthy.

It is a pauper’s song

Ancient lyrics of a search

For the why and the need

of the poets who are always hungry. 

Is This Love?

I would like

to hold you

gently

without restraint

just let you be

breathe in and out of me-

Sustaining the beat

of hearts who discovered

each other when the night

 left us empty enough

 to fill the pure space between us.

Lotus

Held hostage
by the shackles of limbo
where reaching is restrained.

Always in the posture
of departing, feet bound
by doubt.

The ransom already paid
by the crippled years
she binds to memory.

Never blooming in mid-afternoon,
she rides the dark horse beneath the moon
seeking the Goddess who will save her.

Silent Snow (for deverse Snowed under, Iced in...)

Quiet earth

Beneath white silence

Pureness

Untainted by this world

How it makes one

Go inward

Feel the gentle stirrings

Of memory

Gratitude

For the warmth of shelter

Empathy for those without

Like a seventh day

All is still

We can almost hear

 The angels sigh.

Thief

The thief arrives
stealing the lies


Truth-
almost fatal
stirs in the dark

and some part of you
cries in the night.

Must We Tear Ourselves Away? (for deverse, open link;January 31, 2015

Must we tear ourselves away?

Always waiting for the arrival

Of a new happiness,

So often she eludes us-

Through the open door

On a summer’s day

Vanishing with the breeze

Taking our thoughts

To some distant star

Born in the night

When all along

She sat beside us

We were just too busy

Chasing her ghost.

Ella (for deverse-Hair;01/27/15

How I loved to

Sit beside you

Watch you loosen

Long, gray strands

Longing-

For those days

When the mane of auburn

Burned with fiery youth

Courted by the Scotsman

My grandfather

His gaze enough to make you blush

The tears well up

In your tired eyes

He no longer remembers you

Only that he can’t use his right arm

Can’t plant the gardens

Can’t hold anything dear to him

 The brush strokes

You sigh his name

And as it hits the floor

You know

You can’t hold it anymore

"You Can Tell Which Girls Lack Mothers By The Look of Their Hair" (Re-Posted from 2013) for deverse Hair; 01/27/15

When I looked into the mirror

 I knew she wasn’t there

Lost in some distant place

where sanity, shipwrecked

lie buried in the sand-

Mother’s hallowed sanctuary

where daughters didn’t exist.

Girls-

with boy cropped hair

searching for beauty which wasn’t

there .

Seeking communion-

 

lost little girls

in grass stained jeans

Digging for China

in backyards

Not to be seen

much less heard

in her silent world

where we never tread.

We never reached China

that far off land

on the other side of the world

Still we dug, reaching and reaching….

 

Myth (for deverse Poetics-Photography of Totomai Martinez: Mood)

I am the myth
which holds
your sanity-

A lie which feeds
your loneliness

in stillborn promises never kept,
somedays in embryonic sleep
their birth never labored-

I am the myth
which chains me. 

I Remember (for deverse; http://www.nickgentry.com; Deja vu 2014)

I remember-
silent seas
the first stirrings of life

sprouting wings
fins and limbs
learning to breathe
invisible

I remember sinning
tasting forbidden
craving knowledge
bowing beneath
the blue

I remember how I loved
believing it was true

stripped of self
feeling one with
endless climbs
and being made anew

I remember
being born
over and over again
as time held me in its embrace

I died a little
from the stillness
of all I lost to a year.