It’s still there,
The emptiness-
Woman I never knew
still remembering
her stormy eyes
clouded by an illness
I never understood
Even now, all I have
ever learned doesn’t feed
the silence between the hours
When I lie awake beneath
an all knowing moon
set in a mysterious sky
illuminating a darkness
It doesn’t tell me
the things I need to know.
That child felt alone
the woman I have become
still tries to fill the shadow
my mother left behind.
Lisa, this is full of longing--for answers, for a mother's love, I assume. There are so many aspects of this poem with which I can identify. When all is said and done, we are not alone.
ReplyDeletemmm those last couple lines...on trying to fill the shadow of the mom that is no longer there...so much emotion in that....and the need to know...to feel that kind of love that only comes from a mom
ReplyDeleteThat ending stanza just circles back to your opening line of emptiness ~ My impression is that a lot of questions still remain unanswered ~
ReplyDeleteFelt this one Lisa ~
so sorry for your loss, in your discovery of yourself, perhaps you discover a bit of her as well.
ReplyDeleteThose last three lines will stay with me for quite awhile.
ReplyDeleteStrong, evocative piece. This one hit home with me.
ReplyDeletei can't think of many harder things than a disconnection of parent to know who we are at ancestral core..of unconditional love...
ReplyDeleteEven though i still have a father there is still no connection as such..
but made up moreover by the unconditional love of a mother...
And when my wife's mother did pass away..back in 2006..the saddest part of all..
for my wife...
was
there was no love to miss..received...
only the failed effort to give2..not welcome to be received as such...
But with the adversity comes the potential to love even more..
i keep telling my wife that is my anti-dote to a father..that could not connect with me..
but it is harder for my wife..
for she neither had mother or father..to form that core of
ancestral unconditional love that only mothers and fathers..moreover give..
it seems to me...
so i can relate..your words are truly sad as ya say...
ugh, the last stanza... a bit of a jolt to the heart...
ReplyDeleteThe build - up with a story embedded between the lines - and that end - yes some days we feel all alone
ReplyDeleteThe loneliness, the emptiness, the searching are so profound in this Lisa. Thankfully we can become the mothers or fathers we never had. Wonderfully written as always.
ReplyDeletethe shadow or the emptiness lingers only to be filled in...such an evocative piece....
ReplyDeleteStrong piece...thankfully we can break the chain and become better parents.
ReplyDeleteMy father died when I was six (I'm 62 now) and I still think of him and wonder what could have been. Lovely poem
ReplyDeleteEven now, all I have
ReplyDeleteever learned doesn’t feed
the silence between the hours
pulls me right into the poem - it is what poetry is all about "feeling" and this works.
Powerful indeed - those questions that go unanswered, those feelings of ...guilt I suppose for not understanding... or bafflement... hard things for a child to go through. Beautiful description of loss and that gap...
ReplyDeleteThis is so poignant and beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your lovely comments on this poem. It was difficult to write but something I needed to confront for a long time.
ReplyDeleteThis really tugs at my heart strings Lisa beautifully expressed
ReplyDelete