Tuesday, November 24, 2015

The King

I  feel the scorn
of others-

in which you bathed me
time and time again
the darkness of you
always choking

The cold swept through me
in your gaze, an illness I
cannot name only feel
the symptoms of your disease
which ate through my bones

and left me with a rabbit's heart,
seeing no escape when you
were struck down by the stone
and lay helpless-

Removed from your throne.

Once again
I rescued the King
who ruled his subjects
under a reign of terror
sending him far away to the healers
where no one knew
of the crown he wore-

 In the silent castle
 I heard the sound of my own voice
 as tyranny lay down its sword.

The others pointed and judged
when I protested your return
even as I screamed the truth
of your rule.

"What kind of Queen abandons
her King?"


I stood fast in the desolation
as I watched the house of cards be
swept away by my words

Knowing if I tried to save you
this time-

I would die. 


Tuesday, November 3, 2015

I Can't Die For you

So many years
I lay silent
praying, hoping
I could save you;

save us
only to find
I was dying
bit by bit-

 hiding myself
pretending it would
all be ok-

Three decades later
the mirror showed
a reflection I couldn't bare

I saw the dying part of me
the self I let fade away
trying to save you

and when the song played
"there's really no way to save me
I'm already gone",
and you said that was your song.

I realized I  could  no longer die for you,
I am sorry it's what some expect
but I need the joy, the light which
God gave me.

I can no longer live in your shadow. 

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

House (for deverse; Layers 05/13/3015}

It offered new beginnings
nestled in the shadows of
pines and towering maples-

The sound of a stream
filling the air on that
late summer afternoon
when he promised
things would be different.

She peered inside, a little enclosed porch
bathed in dimming sunlight,
through the window the bookshelves
empty lulling to be filled

Old hardwood floors
in need of a family
to dust away years of neglect

A half finished kitchen
soon to be filled with the smells
of home.

Peeling wallpaper,
uneasy on the eyes
replaced by colors of
sea and sand

waiting to be kept-

Only to broken
by rage and illness
once again, the family shattered
by the lies of " love".

She sits alone
surrounded by all that
would never be enough for him

Seeking solace in the emptiness
still hearing the distant echo 
of the life which leaves her bleeding.

He sits alone
body broken
spirit fading
by all the lies
he left behind.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

I Am a Tree

I am a tree
Strong yet still bowing

My leaves have yellowed
From all the years of shading
Protecting from the hail
And angry winds

Parts of me scattered
Returning to the earth
To soften the touch
As their feet whisked
Them away to the sun
I always sought  even
On the darkest of days

Where even my shadow
Hid, fearing the truth
Which would one day
Uproot me and I would
Sway in all directions
Forgetting I was still worthy

And as the thunder roared
Reminding me, I was alive
And as the lightning helped me
Find my way, I became united
With the one I left behind.

I am a tree
no longer bowing.  

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

To My Father (for deverse; writing letters)

Dear Dad,

So much has happened since you passed. The girls are grown, Jazzy has a beautiful
little boy, named Benjamin who plays the Ukelele and dances like you wouldn’t believe.
When I first held him, he reminded me so much of you, an old soul, kind and gentle.

Chrissy is expecting her first a little girl in a couple of weeks, who we call Baby P. because she and her husband can’t decide on a name yet.

I had another daughter, Kayla you never had the chance to meet. She is in her first year of college and she too, reminds me of you with her sharp wit and Strawberry blonde hair.

Mom passed away six years ago, we never managed to find the closeness we should have. I know she was lonely, I just didn’t know how to fill that space. The years have often been unkind and still I wake up each day looking for the joy I know still exists.

Dan’s sister Phyllis, who I loved dearly died two years before I had Kay. I miss her so much. His other sister, Linda passed away last June, just as we were becoming close. I had just found out two months before, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and now Dan is in a rehabilitation center, he had a stroke on February 24 of this year. He is not doing well. I don't know if he will ever be able to come home.

I am so grateful that Marcia and I have become close like sisters should be. She has been a tremendous source of strength and support during this terrible time. I don't know what I would do without her. I appreciate her so much and what a blessing to have her in my life. 

I think of you often, what a wonderful father you were to me and how unfair to have lost you when you were only 53, the same age I am now. I feel there is so much to be grateful for in spite of all the heartache. You taught me how to be strong and keep my sense of humor and I am trying to retain both in the midst of all the heartache. I miss you dad. .I wish you were here to hold me.

                                                                                                                   Love Lisa

Sunday, April 5, 2015

The Ghosts We Left Behind

Impossible to save-

Always a darkness
the being of you

Hell bent
on destruction
your own
as well as mine
and anything worth loving

Part of you
now gone-
Does the distant memory
Still hold what could have been?

All the things
which made our lives
surround me in the stillness
couldn’t  make you see
what mattered

Never enough
to fill the emptiness
of the  years before
I arrived.

How I have starved –
Emaciated by want
and need .

In healing
hold the years of us close
and  you will find
the love which always beckons
in the ghosts we left behind.   

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Wind (for deverse; Winds of March)

Would you take this
wind of change?

How cold it blows-
Chilling my bones

It does not dry my tears
but burns my skin
as I bare my bones
In truth’s stark gaze

Am I mourning?
Yes all the things
I let die,
those bits of self
which never cried-

As you face me now
so lost by the darkness
of not remembering

How chilling the gale-
Gusts in remembrance
of the half life we lived

And now
there is even less
still I carry the burden
of all the wishes
put to death
by the breath exhaled
in the forest who sighs.