The King

I  feel the scorn
of others-


in which you bathed me
time and time again
the darkness of you
always choking

The cold swept through me
in your gaze, an illness I
cannot name only feel
the symptoms of your disease
which ate through my bones

and left me with a rabbit's heart,
seeing no escape when you
were struck down by the stone
and lay helpless-

Removed from your throne.

Once again
I rescued the King
who ruled his subjects
under a reign of terror
sending him far away to the healers
where no one knew
of the crown he wore-

 In the silent castle
 I heard the sound of my own voice
 as tyranny lay down its sword.



The others pointed and judged
when I protested your return
even as I screamed the truth
of your rule.


"What kind of Queen abandons
her King?"

"Treason!"

I stood fast in the desolation
as I watched the house of cards be
swept away by my words

Knowing if I tried to save you
this time-
 

I would die. 


 

I Can't Die For you

So many years
I lay silent
praying, hoping
I could save you;

save us
only to find
I was dying
bit by bit-

 hiding myself
pretending it would
all be ok-

Three decades later
the mirror showed
a reflection I couldn't bare

I saw the dying part of me
the self I let fade away
trying to save you

and when the song played
"there's really no way to save me
I'm already gone",
and you said that was your song.

I realized I  could  no longer die for you,
I am sorry it's what some expect
but I need the joy, the light which
God gave me.

I can no longer live in your shadow. 

House (for deverse; Layers 05/13/3015}

It offered new beginnings

nestled in the shadows of

pines and towering maples-

The sound of a stream

filling the air on that

late summer afternoon

when he promised

things would be different.

She peered inside, a little enclosed porch

bathed in dimming sunlight,

through the window the bookshelves

empty lulling to be filled

Old hardwood floors

in need of a family

to dust away years of neglect

A half finished kitchen

soon to be filled with the smells

of home.

Peeling wallpaper,

uneasy on the eyes

replaced by colors of

sea and sand

Promises

waiting to be kept-

Only to broken

by rage and illness

once again, the family shattered

by the lies of " love".

She sits alone

surrounded by all that

would never be enough for him

Seeking solace in the emptiness

still hearing the distant echo 

of the life which leaves her bleeding.

.

He sits alone

body broken

spirit fading

by all the lies

he left behind.

I Am a Tree

I am a tree

Strong yet still bowing

My leaves have yellowed

From all the years of shading

Protecting from the hail

And angry winds

Parts of me scattered

Returning to the earth

To soften the touch

As their feet whisked

Them away to the sun

I always sought  even

On the darkest of days

Where even my shadow

Hid, fearing the truth

Which would one day

Uproot me and I would

Sway in all directions

Forgetting I was still worthy

And as the thunder roared

Reminding me, I was alive

And as the lightning helped me

Find my way, I became united

With the one I left behind.

I am a tree
strong
no longer bowing.  

To My Father (for deverse; writing letters)

Dear Dad,

So much has happened since you passed. The girls are grown, Jazzy has a beautiful

little boy, named Benjamin who plays the Ukelele and dances like you wouldn’t believe.

When I first held him, he reminded me so much of you, an old soul, kind and gentle.

Chrissy is expecting her first a little girl in a couple of weeks, who we call Baby P. because she and her husband can’t decide on a name yet.

I had another daughter, Kayla you never had the chance to meet. She is in her first year of college and she too, reminds me of you with her sharp wit and Strawberry blonde hair.

Mom passed away six years ago, we never managed to find the closeness we should have. I know she was lonely, I just didn’t know how to fill that space. The years have often been unkind and still I wake up each day looking for the joy I know still exists.

. 

Dan’s sister Phyllis, who I loved dearly died two years before I had Kay. I miss her so much. His other sister, Linda passed away last June, just as we were becoming close. I had just found out two months before, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and now Dan is in a rehabilitation center, he had a stroke on February 24 of this year. He is not doing well. I don't know if he will ever be able to come home.

I am so grateful that Marcia and I have become close like sisters should be. She has been a tremendous source of strength and support during this terrible time. I don't know what I would do without her. I appreciate her so much and what a blessing to have her in my life. 

 

I think of you often, what a wonderful father you were to me and how unfair to have lost you when you were only 53, the same age I am now. I feel there is so much to be grateful for in spite of all the heartache. You taught me how to be strong and keep my sense of humor and I am trying to retain both in the midst of all the heartache. I miss you dad. .I wish you were here to hold me.

 

                                                                                                                   Love Lisa

The Ghosts We Left Behind

Impossible to save-

Always a darkness

surrounding

the being of you

Hell bent

on destruction

your own

as well as mine

and anything worth loving

Part of you

now gone-

Does the distant memory

Still hold what could have been?

All the things

which made our lives

surround me in the stillness

couldn’t  make you see

what mattered

Never enough

to fill the emptiness

of the  years before

I arrived.

How I have starved –

Emaciated by want

and need .

In healing

hold the years of us close

and  you will find

the love which always beckons

in the ghosts we left behind.   

The Wind (for deverse; Winds of March)

Would you take this

wind of change?

How cold it blows-

Chilling my bones

It does not dry my tears

but burns my skin

as I bare my bones

In truth’s stark gaze

Am I mourning?

Yes all the things

I let die,

those bits of self

which never cried-

As you face me now

so lost by the darkness

of not remembering

How chilling the gale-

Gusts in remembrance

of the half life we lived

And now

there is even less

still I carry the burden

of all the wishes

put to death

by the breath exhaled

in the forest who sighs.